Or that I don't feel as weird talking to girls that are tomboys, but if those same traits were in a guy, I would feel way more uncomfortable and guarded, which makes socializing with other guys more difficult. GIRL. Those who I feel comfortable around are ones I have built a strong friendship with them over time. The subtle form of sexism represented by a man’s stare is difficult to pin down. Of course, when people identify as socially awkward they naturally tend to put all the blame on themselves if a conversation has some snags. Again, it's for the same reasons you may want to work past your discomfort with any group. The goal is not to become an aggressive meathead, but to just get to a mental space where the possibility of getting into a dust up with someone isn't this terrifying abstract concept. It's so frustrating and I wish I could act normal around them. However at times you may originally try learning about something for mainly pragmatic reasons, then find you genuinely enjoy it. I think if someone doesn't want to hang out with guy's guys that's totally fine. but, if i'm interested in them my whole mind goes blank and i act like a complete idiot. Asked by Wiki User. It's a continuum, not a hard line, that separates the sensitive artists from the bros. Changing Rooms At The Gym. They don't bother me tbh neither do the gay dudes. If my significant other and I are having a … but when i hang out with guys (just as friends), i have no problem looking at them, laughing, smiling, and talking. my guy bff sucked a kids d*** in elementary school. I don't know what to say and I feel like my self esteem goes away completely. I think my own hang-ups based on my past struggles with gender has a lot to do with it. Downsizing your friend group; feeling more and more uncomfortable around negative people. They have lots of options. i know friends that were abused by close male family member so they think all men just want sex where as in reality men want as … Case and point. He likely appreciates the silences and doesn't feel your relationship is falling apart if you aren't constantly jabbering. Some do it to show off for their friends. For example, he may have grown up with his single mother and two sisters (Note that this isn't to say I think all men raised mainly by women will have their masculinity compromised. They think it's lame or suspicious if a guy mostly has female friends, or isn't into football, or doesn't have a 'manly' enough personality. I don’t do anything to impress the guy because I know it is wrong. Even worse, he may be more actively rejected or avoided at times, because some people think something is inherently wrong with men who don't fit into the typical male mold. His friend, who has similar clothes and mannerisms, could be into science fiction and politics. They typically don't feel uncomfortable or disconnected around all men, mainly the ones who act the most stereotypically masculine - 'Guy's guys', 'Manly men', 'Bros'. When I was younger, I tried really hard to fit in with guys as a way to hide. I mean there ARE a lot of creepers out there, but it's probably just anxiety. Maybe I am overreacting but if I have a doubt should I ask the girls . They subscribe to stereotypical gender roles and tend to look down on any guy who doesn't act like a man 'should'. I can't even remember when this started, but for years now I feel uncomfortable around older men (older than me by 10+ years; I'm 21). You'll start to pick up on their style of interacting and adjust accordingly. Their sense of humor can sometimes be a bit harsh and cutting. It would do every straight man some good to walk in a woman’s shoes. However, when we’d hang out it just seemed kind of awkward. I think relatively healthy motivations for wanting to get along with other guys are: On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today. I'm really not trying to paint guy guy's as simplistic robots though. Sure, guy's guys aren't perfect, but every subculture has its flaws. He's always seen typical male behavior as vaguely ignorant and ridiculous. Are you worried about wasting the prime of your life on a man who won’t commit to you? Actually I feel that way about white people period. The problem: "I might be too loud or too boring for them." If I do smile back I'll get really red faced and if I don't then I've missed a chance at meeting someone. The following list paints a bit of an exaggerated picture, but in general guy's guys have traits such as: Now the list above is pretty much true in spirit, but it can give the impression that guy's guys are more aggressive and mean-spirited than they often are. They mainly hang out in big groups with other guys. What will big cities look like in future? Like everyone else, guy's guys also have their own personalities beyond what social category they fall into. I'm a [gay] guy myself, and when I say I feel uncomfortable around other guys, I mean all guys of every shape, size and orientation. Asked by Wiki User 13 14 15 Answer. If you suspect there's a broader social issue you struggle with, and it comes up around guy's guys, look into addressing it. Though I'm also a therapist and can offer in-depth, personalized help. I feel odd when I'm around them, just them, no black or other non white ppl around. Get your answers by asking now. Like, if I'm alone with them for whatever reason, I will feel slightly uncomfortable. Do Men feel Uncomfortable around Gay Men? Often the members have known each other for quite a while. When you're around the bros keep things on that breezy level. Most of the time they're good-natured and get along with everyone fine. It's good to be cautious, but you hear a lot of bad things on the news and maybe that's why you're so uncomfortable around men… Most guys are just as uncomfortable, especially if they like you. He may have been picked on or rejected by more stereotypically male kids while growing up, most likely for one of the other points on this list. i won't wear short shorts/skirts or revealing tops in front of my dad or brother. I had just two or three guys i could talk normally...but most of then i just can't. If you've been feeling particularly down due to insecurity or conflict then that vibe will be noticed and some guys don't know how to take that. I'm not really shy, though. Probably haven’t been around them and talked to them enough. Idk, I've honestly pushed away at least five different guys who've shown real interest in me and I always try to avoid them in school. Even if they have certain values about how a male should act or whatnot, they often don't hold these views with any evil intentions. They don't talk about their feelings or vulnerabilities a ton, especially with people who aren't close friends. The solution: Think awesome thoughts, girl!You are amazing, so keep that in mind. WE ARE ALL THE SAME. Tip 5: Dress in Clothes You Feel Good In. ould go either way. 2011-04-02 02:51:56. I now know why heterosexual men are so awkward around gay men. Like I described above, they exchange opinions and information about outside topics, and they kid around a lot. Im not gay, but ive just never really been around guys. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex landed a £30million … A guy who doesn't fit this norm may subconsciously be acting on an idea that he's not good enough the way he is, and should change to become more acceptable. the final straw was when one made a facebook page of me 10 years ago. And it has nothing to do with whether i like them or not. Then there are times when I just get extremely uncomfortable. (my dad was very bad to my mum). Without men being around, I feel beautiful. You've got some guy's guy traits and interests yourself, though maybe not to the same degree as some males, and want to be able to get along with other men better so you can share those things with them. One guy wearing a bro uniform could be a walking embodiment of everything that repels you about the stereotype. He was skinny, overweight, or physically uncoordinated growing up, which led to him getting picked on, or just not being able to keep up with other guys in the areas that were important to them, like playing sports or being tough. Does it seem like he’ll never really care about you as much as says he does? His penis will be your source of pleasure and you should think that his is really yours afterwards. My source of pleasure is owned by hers and I know that deep down she wants unconditional access to pleasure too. If a guy doesn't connect with them he may feel lonely, alienated, or somehow flawed for frequently meeting people he feels he can't relate to. There are different flavors of guy's guys depending on the subculture you look at. If you're overly sensitive or you take it too personally you won't be able to hang. Ty says: July 20, 2012 at 1:41 am I’m a married 49 yo and I am trying to come to my wife. People who are socially awkward are sometimes really emotionally invested in getting past their issues and being able to see themselves as well-adjusted and normal. They're not flawless. I think some men get so hung up about the fact that they don't get along with typical guys that whenever they meet one it messes with them mentally and they get nervous and inhibited. Mostly it's just to be entertaining, but it can also be a way to keep someone else's behavior in line. "I don't have any brothers and I have a poor relationship with my dad, but I don't think this really helps to explain how uncomfortable I am", Think of them as girls thats what I do it really helps (except ofcourse you will flirt a bit) I find that the more I get to know a guy the easier it is to talk to them. You are just more comfortable with girls because there are less implications than with guys. Similarly, they can be very touchy about their status being lowered. I am a girl, 19. I'm not sure. why do i feel uncomfortable around guys in public? They sometimes use it to put people in their place. Thats as far as I understand. Compared to, say, 40-year-old suburban moms, they're pretty quick to use physical fighting, or the threat of having to scuffle, as a way to resolve their disputes. They aren't all that emotionally expressive or introspective. He was never that interested in typical male passions like sports or cars. It's an Oedipal complex (err, the female version, which, in this case is penis envy), You need a a guy who poses the philosophical question of "whose yo daddy?". He may be turned off by other aspects of bro culture, like their emotional cluelessness or their anti-intellectualism. So Since I was 13y I feel uncomfortable around guys Specially when they like me. This is what happens when you don't think of their sex lives and just see them. Why is that? Maybe there's something about him that's not a good... - Family & Friends Question This article will cover the traits of these so-called guy's guys, reasons a male may not feel he clicks with them, some of the complicated reasons he may want to learn how to get along with them better, and some suggestions on how to do that. Guys know that they’re under her microscope, so they can’t help but to get nervous when they’re around her. I feel pretty uncomfortable around guys. The problem is that in most locations these typical guys seem to make up a good chunk of the men you'll run into. Another thing to do is not give guy's guys an unrealistic amount of credit. 40 41 42. This isn't an overnight solution, but one thing that helps is to learn something about fighting . It confounds me why so many women’s closets are full of shoes that give them blisters and outfits they hate. Here are things men do all the time that make women uncomfortable. Like I try to get away so I won't have to flirt or talk to them. I am like that too.I also don't have any brothers and never saw my dad since the i was 6, so I don't have a male presence in my life. I wouldn't say nervous more uncomfortable. Then there are times when I just get extremely uncomfortable. It depends on if it’s guys you are attracted to or simply men in general. Since a lot of men who don't click with other guys had problems with them growing up, they sometimes have very conflicted Love-Hate feelings. A reader writes: “I am a straight male and consider myself fairly liberal. I think it's more that if a boy is wary of guy culture to begin with, then growing up mostly around women can amplify that effect). I guess I should start acting like they are girls, but like one of you said, flirting happens in that event and I give the wrong impression. Like the point above mentioned, he may even be very similar to you underneath his superficial appearance and the fact that he likes baseball. i'm 13 and i don't know why but i feel really uncomfortable around men even in my family! If it’s on the romantic side, I have the same issue as you. How do you think about the answers? Whether it be mentally, sexually, or physically. That he was looking at me in the wrong way. We were around 6-10 years old and I think that back then I didn’t had this problem at all. I think we have to get used to them...i really don't know any solution...maybe try to pretend they are girls. Book A Consultation Phone - 60 Minute/45 Minute/30 Minute Skype - 60 Minute/45 Minute/30 Minute Email - Email Session Learn More. By Team LovePanky . Being seen as tough is important to them. You need to find some concrete evidence that’ll reveal how he feels. and it has worked wonders for me. It's just that his particular type of awkwardness has a built-in cover story. I mentioned that guy's guys often hang out in big groups that have known each other for a long time. every time i'm out with my friends and a guy comes over chatting me up ( which is fine) but wen they put they're hands around my waist and touching me and kissing me, i get so uncomfortable. So another way of how to be more confident around guys is to hear what they tell you and remember it. Top Answer. Twitter. The only difference is that I like a bulge, and you don't. Many of their traits aren't inherently negative, they're just one style of looking at the world (some are hard to defend though). I was shy, awkward, and lonely until my mid-twenties and created this site to be the kind of guide I wish I'd had at the time. i know friends that were abused by close male family member so they think all men just want sex where as in reality men want as mixed a bunch of things from as mixed a bunch of women (mothers, work colleges, nurses, friends, teachers, flatmates, girlfriends, friends, aunties, sisters wives) as women do from men. This kind of doubt and insecurity can make her feel uncomfortable whenever she is around him. If you're into the same stuff as they are it's easy to click with them. Yet the thought of being around a transgender person is extremely uncomfortable to me and I don’t exactly know why. Don't put too much stock in what any one person says, because depending on who you ask pretty much any emotion or behavior or opinion could or could not be taken as a sign that someone is a real man (e.g., "real man aren't afraid to cry", "real men never cry"). I would cry because I was uncomfortable around men, to the point I was even afraid to be on the bus because I was scared that a man had evil intentions. You used to not be a guy's guy at all, but recently you've been acquiring more of those traits, and want to be able to join their group at times. There are several, often connected, reasons a male may feel off-balance around guy's guys. He never had any desire to compete with other dudes in chest thumping competitions to become the alpha male. Never mind that fights are pretty rare, they're still a little afraid of the idea of it. I have my dream job, a steady income. Another thing to not take too seriously are their occasional, often semi-ridiculous, comments about how someone's behavior is a sign that they're not a 'real man' ("You're drinking an appletini? Should I bother trying to be more "normal"? Instead, she’s laid back, and observing his actions to see if he’s the right fit for her. You may meet two bros who have similar interests, but you find one is just kind of a dick, and the other is laid back and friendly, even if you don't like golf and cars as much as he does. If you've decided you want to be able to get along with guy's guys better here are some practical tips on how to do it. Being gay, I naturally don't have many male friends. He always felt bored and on the periphery when other guys spent hours obsessing over their town's basketball team. A girl would often want to observe this guy from afar as opposed to be so close to him. and it stinks that I feel just as uncomfortable around a black man than I do a white man or other race of man. Why do i feel so uncomfortable around guys? I know that some people often feel stressed around their preferred gender but I’m not even straight. Click here to read the introduction: Men and the Fear of Homosexuality. Wiki User Answered . Since they had trouble with it in the past, they may see being able to get along with guys as a big test to prove to the world that they're fixed now. Basically, do your best to chat with an untalkative, unexpressive guy, but if you can't get a conversation going realize it's more about him than it is about you. They'll react badly if they feel another guy has disrespected them somehow and will do what they can to save face. They may even cringe away every time a guy gets loud or starts gesturing a little too wildly. I feel like he makes excuses so he can look at my legs. I as a straight man was being friendly to a gay guy since I have been moved to a new building cos of work. Top Answer. 0 0. I'm 21 years old male who works in office I want to know the reason why girls don't look at me when they speak to me sometimes. I don't have any brothers and I have a poor relationship with my dad, but I don't think this really helps to explain how uncomfortable I am. Focus on your goals and not so much on the guys, but try and get to know the guy by asking questions about him, get him to talk, and build on the answers/conversation. He was a bit wimpy and unassertive growing up, leading to the same problems as in the point above. The things he was interested in may have been neutral (e.g., drawing) or negative (e.g., fashion) from a regular male's point of view. We can talk about anything, ANYTHING, but the whole conversation shouldn't revolve around that so you feel comfortable which makes me uneasy and feeling super weird. But yeah once you’re around them a lot, you don’t get as nervous. If the guy isn't someone I'm attracted too then treating them like a girl works. This suggestion is about basic exposure to become more comfortable with something that currently makes you feel nervous. A social issue some men have is that they feel a bit ill at ease around other males. However, unless your Andrea Pirlo (refer to picture below), you are not as cool as you think you are, and you will get awkward in certain situations. 7 thoughts on “Do Men feel Uncomfortable around Gay Men?” Mikhail Janzon says: October 30, 2011 at 10:58 am Or… Y’know. The other thing to realize is that if you got picked on by guy's guys as a kid is that not everyone stereotypical male you'll ever meet is guilty or the exact same as the jerks who gave you a hard time. 10. I'm by myself A LOT so maybe I've developed some kind of personality disorder. The first situation that doesn't involve a girl, but that doesn't mean it's … In my spare time I just watch youtube videos, am I wasting my life? Just let these remarks slide off your back. I can have a total crush on some guy and feel great with him, but then another guy i tend to shy away more. They're into stereotypically male interests like sports, cars, drinking, partying, trying to get laid, being outdoors, video games (primarily sports games or multiplayer shooters), guns, gambling, BBQ'ing, and fighting. Sometimes we'll do this even when we logically don't value a group's views or want anything they have to offer. How to balance the two. This brings me to my main point. Other guys do want to be able to get along with typical males better. He always had a personality that didn't fit that of a stereotypical male (e.g., he was more emotionally sensitive than what his peers considered acceptable). You need to discover whether there are other And take pride in it. The jerks among them will sometimes put another guy down to assert his higher rank. I am a very eccentric person. Why do I feel uncomfortable around men? Being stuck in an uncomfortable situation is never fun, and it can even … ould go either way. Why do men have such a difficult time being friends with gay men? Or maybe you're not good at dealing with loud, rowdy conversations. The Israeli study’s findings suggest, then, why certain people make you feel uncomfortable. every time i'm out with my friends and a guy comes over chatting me up ( which is fine) but wen they put they're hands around my waist and touching me and kissing me, i get so uncomfortable. Anonymous. While growing up he had a difficult relationship with an adult who was a typical man's man. I can't talk to them easily, and when they talk to me I find it more difficult to respond than with females. They're Flinching Or Wincing. I've been abused by men most of my life. They tease each other a lot. I’m ace aro but I still don’t know how to act around men. Many men default into dressing and acting in the standard guy manner on the surface, which can hide a lot of the variation among them. Picture a bunch of goofy college students having some beers and talking smack to each other as they play video games. They tend to unconsciously enforce these gender roles, being quick to label a guy who doesn't act like a typical male as 'not a real man' or a pussy or a fag (i.e., they can be pretty sexist and homophobic in that they see anything that's feminine or 'gay' as a negative). It always backfired, and I had a lot of self-hatred for a long time. It's hot outside And I feel uncomfortable just to wear a bathing suit or shorts in front my dad... My dad loves me a lot I know he'd never do anything !! I feel like their judging me, looking down on me.. *shrugs* Most guys try to give off the impression that they're pretty cool all of the time, not letting anything make them feel uncomfortable or awkward. I don’t want to get affected by handsome men. When you hang out with them you'll mainly be joking around or exchanging opinions and information about various topics (e.g., What you think of some team signing a particular player). I'm trained as a counselor. if not trust instinct. 9. As a wife, i think the coolest way to handle men hitting on your wife (as long as nothing happens between the two) would be to stay calm about it. If you feel this way, there’s no time to waste. They see a guy's guy as if he's some imposing creature from another planet. when i see guys walking in my way, i look down. The same goes for social activities. I live alone with my dad ,,,, Just want to know opinions if this is normal or not. Somewhat opposite to the point above, he may have not have had a lot of exposure to stereotypical males growing up, and so tends to see them as unpredictable and alien as an adult. It's human nature to seek approval from people or groups who have rejected you. As the point above mentions, if you can converse about the same interests as them, then this is fairly simple. Who can one-up the other person's story? Sometimes they are really are overly macho and immature and simplistic. I can understand you feeling uncomfortable going swimming if there's men around. and he said ew its wet in there did you pee hahaha Facebook. But yeah once you’re around them a lot, you don’t get as nervous. Literally, pointing out everything that seems ’wrong’ with others and deciding what’s best for them. SEARCH CLOSE. This article is obviously directed towards men, though some of its more general concepts may also carry over to women who feel like they have trouble getting along with other women. Of course getting into something you don't care about isn't the easiest task. I'm not sure what the reason is, but it's best to follow your intuition about your dad. in Psychology. One fear some guys have is having to talk with another man who's the so-called strong silent type. Often they go back to childhood: Some men never felt much of a connection to guy's guys and they don't care one bit or consider it a problem in their lives. A lot of the time this isn't necessarily bad, since we don't always need to have three hour conversations where we dissect the influence our parents had on our beliefs about whether we deserve to be happy. Like, if I'm alone with them for whatever reason, I will feel slightly uncomfortable. Why would a guy feel uncomfortable around you? I think that's a very good motive that doesn't make me feel comfortable at all. I feel uncomfortable around males. They use stereotypically male communication styles. They're not the ultimate arbiters of your worthiness as a social person or as a man. Some like to toy with a guy on a date and then refuse to satisfy him because it makes them feel they've 'won the game'. The main thing to keep in mind here is that you are not completely responsible for how well any one social interaction goes. If you feel nervous around attractive people, or you feel negatively affected by handsome men (or beautiful women) like Kristi, it boils down to your underlying associations with attractive people. 7. Give everyone a chance as an individual, and realize you don't have to like or hit it off with every single person who falls into the overly broad guy's guy category. This site is helping me to know myself. Some guys were never that tough or assertive growing up, and around guy's guys they're always slightly on edge because they're overly intimidated by the fact that these men have the potential to get physical. Their conversations don't always go that deep. Mo on December 14, 2013: Well, if straight men feel uncomfortable than this can be due to the behaviour of a gay guy too. My first friend ever was a boy. I have observed that when they talk to other guys they always make eye contact but when I speak to them they don't make eye contact that much. 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